Arousal & Regulation
Understanding nervous system states - why your child might be "wired" one moment and shut down the next, and how to support them back to balance.
Arousal refers to the level of activation in the nervous system - how alert, energised, or stressed the body is.
Think of it like a dial that goes from very low (asleep, shut down) to very high (fight-or-flight, panic). There's an optimal range in the middle - the "window of tolerance" - where learning, connection, and flexible thinking are possible.
The three arousal zones
Signs:
- •Heart racing, breathing fast
- •Agitation, anger, panic
- •Difficulty thinking clearly
- •Constantly on high alert
- •Meltdowns, aggression
What it looks like:
Explosive, confrontational, or panicked. May appear defiant.
Signs:
- •Calm and alert
- •Able to think and problem-solve
- •Can tolerate frustration
- •Open to connection
- •Flexible and responsive
What it looks like:
Engaged, regulated, able to cope with normal challenges.
Signs:
- •Foggy, disconnected
- •Low energy, withdrawn
- •Difficulty responding
- •May appear "checked out"
- •Shutdowns, feeling disconnected from reality
What it looks like:
Passive, non-responsive, or spacey. May be mistaken for laziness.
The window of tolerance
The "window of tolerance" is the zone where a person can function effectively. For neurodivergent children, this window is often narrower.
- More easily triggered into hyper/hypo arousal
- Smaller range of tolerable stress
- Needs more support to stay regulated
- May have frequent meltdowns or shutdowns
- Common in trauma, ADHD, autism
- Can tolerate more before dysregulating
- Returns to baseline more easily
- More flexibility in coping
- Fewer meltdowns/shutdowns
- Built through co-regulation and safety
What affects the window?
| Factor | Narrows window | Widens window |
|---|---|---|
| Sleep | Poor or insufficient sleep | Consistent, adequate sleep |
| Hunger | Blood sugar drops, irregular eating | Regular meals, protein with carbs |
| Sensory load | Overwhelming environments | Sensory-friendly spaces, breaks |
| Predictability | Unexpected changes, uncertainty | Routine, advance warning |
| Connection | Loneliness, conflict, rejection | Secure relationships, belonging |
| Demands | Too many demands, pressure | Appropriate expectations, scaffolding |
| Rest | Insufficient recovery time | Downtime built into schedule |
Regulation strategies by zone
- ✓Ensure safety first
- ✓Reduce demands immediately
- ✓Use calm, low voice
- ✓Offer sensory regulation (deep pressure, cold)
- ✓Don't reason or lecture
- ✓Wait for calm before discussing
- ✓Teach coping skills now (not during crisis)
- ✓Build connection and trust
- ✓Practice regulation strategies
- ✓Celebrate wins
- ✓Create plans for difficult situations
- ✓Gentle engagement - don't push
- ✓Offer comfort without demands
- ✓Movement or sensory input may help
- ✓Time and patience
- ✓Re-establish safety and connection
Behaviour is communication about arousal state. When a child is in hyperarousal or hypoarousal, they can't access their best thinking or behaviour. Punishment doesn't help - it usually makes dysregulation worse.
The goal is to help your child return to the green zone through co-regulation, and over time, widen their window of tolerance through safety, predictability, and support.