Emotional Climate
Creating a supportive emotional environment that reduces stress, builds connection, and helps the whole family thrive.
They may pick up on stress, tension, and emotional undercurrents more than you realise.
If children are masking at school, home must be a place where they can be themselves.
Your stress is understandable, but children absorb it. Your regulation helps theirs.
Children regulate better when they feel connected, understood, and accepted.
Ongoing high stress impacts brain development, learning, and mental health.
Co-regulation
Co-regulation means using your calm to help regulate your child's nervous system. Children learn to regulate through experiencing regulation with a calm adult.
When you stay calm, you provide a reference point for them to return to.
Sometimes children need you to just be there, not to solve the problem immediately.
Acknowledge their emotional state, then gently guide toward calm.
Connect emotionally before addressing behaviour. They can't learn when dysregulated.
- •Lower your voice and slow your speech
- •Get on their physical level
- •Use fewer words
- •Offer physical comfort if accepted
- •Stay nearby but not overwhelming
- •Breathe slowly and visibly
Emotional acceptance
Even if the trigger seems small, the feeling is real. Validate the emotion.
"You're really frustrated that we can't go to the park. That's disappointing."
You can set limits on behaviour while still accepting the emotion.
"It's okay to be angry. It's not okay to hit. Let's find another way to show angry."
Let them feel the feeling before trying to move on or solve.
Sit with them while they cry rather than immediately trying to cheer them up.
Help them learn emotional vocabulary by naming what you observe.
"Your body looks tense and you're clenching your fists. I wonder if you're feeling angry?"
Reducing stress at home
Quieter home, calmer spaces, sensory breaks available.
Knowing what comes next reduces anxiety.
A dedicated space for regulation when needed.
Build in extra time so mornings and transitions aren't frantic.
Pick battles wisely. Not everything needs to be a fight.
Aim for many more positive than negative interactions daily.
When conflict happens, reconnect afterward. Model making amends.
Parental conflict affects children. Work on your relationship too.
Expectations should match developmental level, not age.
When stressed, lower expectations temporarily.
Notice and acknowledge effort and progress, not just achievement.
Not everything matters. Focus on what's important.
Building connection
- •Even 10-15 minutes daily is valuable
- •Child leads the activity
- •No teaching, directing, or correcting
- •Put away phones and be fully present
- •Learn about their special interests
- •Ask questions without judgement
- •Watch or play alongside them
- •Remember what they told you
- •Ask before hugging if they prefer
- •Offer rather than impose
- •Side-by-side often easier than face-to-face
- •Respect their sensory preferences
- •Silly voices, games, laughter
- •Not during serious moments
- •Follow their lead on humour
- •Laugh with, never at
What to avoid
Neurodivergent children often hear more negative than positive. This damages self-esteem.
"What's wrong with you?" or "Why can't you just..." are harmful. The problem is not them.
Comparing to siblings or peers increases shame. They're aware they're different.
"You're fine" or "It's not a big deal" invalidates their experience.
This isn't sustainable. You can be warm AND have boundaries.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Your needs matter too.
Other parents who understand, professionals, friends, family who help.
Find what works for you - exercise, time alone, hobbies, therapy.
It's okay to grieve expectations while also loving and accepting your child.
If partnered, your relationship needs attention too.
If you're struggling with your own mental health, seek professional support.
When things are hard
- •It happens to everyone. Don't beat yourself up.
- •Repair with your child: "I'm sorry I yelled. That wasn't okay. I was feeling frustrated but I should have handled it better."
- •Model taking responsibility and making amends.
- •Reflect on what triggered you and how to prevent it.
- •This is common and understandable.
- •Ask for help - family, friends, respite services.
- •Lower expectations temporarily.
- •Seek professional support if needed.
- •Siblings' needs matter too.
- •Individual time with each child when possible.
- •Age-appropriate explanations about their sibling.
- •Sibling support groups exist.
- •Very common with the stress of parenting a neurodivergent child.
- •Prioritise time together, even small amounts.
- •Couples counselling can help.
- •Be a team, not adversaries.
You are your child's safe haven. The emotional climate you create at home shapes your child's nervous system, their sense of safety, and their ability to cope with the world outside. You don't have to be perfect - you just have to be good enough, and repair when you're not.
- Your emotional state affects your child's regulation
- Connection is the foundation for everything else
- You don't have to be perfect - repair matters more than perfection
- Your wellbeing is essential, not optional
- A calm, predictable home environment supports everyone